I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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