i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
he laminated a picture of his dick.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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