please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
