kristin has been a bad kristin
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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