You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I puked a lego.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
