does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
