i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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