Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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