There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
third nipple confirmed
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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