8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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