I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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