Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
