i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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