He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
