I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I just had sex on a roof
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
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