im drinking this country out of the recession.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
