I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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