It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize