i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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