it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
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