you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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