But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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