finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
