my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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