...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
