just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
