you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Randomize
