Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
