ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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