I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
