Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Is it because I queefed?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
