Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
