Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im calling her cock vulture from now on
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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