I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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