Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
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I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
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After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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