Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
