Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Randomize
