i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
