oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Bring me that man meat
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
