Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Randomize
