That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
My bed smells like the plague
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
