I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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