just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
