I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
