I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
