Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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