mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
