using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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