with your own penis?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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