Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
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