You surviving the open bar?
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Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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