My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
