dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
