just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
