I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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