the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
