Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
