I want to make a zoo with you.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
