I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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