well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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