Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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