This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
